Sunday, October 5, 2008

Kevin Smith - the funniest man on the face of the earth

I have NEVER heard anyone, ever, anywhere, anytime, be so funny as I did Saturday night at the WFF awards ceremony. Kevin Smith, the man behind "Clerks" and so many other wacked out movies, got the Maverick Award and told some of the raunchiest, off-color, downright obscene jokes I have ever heard in my life. To say a sailor would blush would not capture the spirit of his acceptance speech.

He skewered Ang Lee, James Schamus AND his wife. He told this hilarious story about having to use the bathroom at a Laser Blaser DVD store during a poker game in a back room and the toilet was suspended from the wall rather than on a base on the floor and - well, you can probably figure out what happened. Kevin is a very, very big guy and let's just say the wall support didn't last.

Kevin also expanded the joke that emcee Ron Nyswaner made during the opening monologue about Harvey White, the original Woodstock Maverick, who, according to Nyswaner, was a cross-dresser and socialist. Kevin Smith's proposal for renaming the Maverick Award bordered on the uncomfortable and could have been awkward, except that the 1,000 or so people at the awards ceremony were laughing - LOUDLY.

Smith, like Nyswaner, alluded to the vp debate the other night, which I didn't see yet because I was covering the WFF. But I guess ol' moose-hunting, book-banning Sarah Palin kept using the word Maverick. Nyswaner mocked her on that and Smith said:

"In any other year, it would have ben great to be called a maverick."

On Ang Lee, Smith said:

"The dude does something different every time out. And as you heard, he barely speaks English."

On himself:
"I've made the same movie eight times and 15 years later they say I'm a maverick and I'm like, whatever."

On his wife:

"My god I love you. You rock so hard."

He also said something to the effect of, "I never would have been able to this without you, but wait, I was doing this before I met you, but I never would have CONTINUED doing this if I didn't meet you."

The other stuff Kevin said about his wife cannot be repeated in print, even on a blog, because there would be phone calls and I would be called out to the woodshed at work, or I would hear my boss say what an old boss used to say when something went awry: "Barry, Come here to me!!"

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